It is totally understandable if you are nervous to talk to your teen about sexual activity and relationships, but it is so important! They most likely won’t be the first one to bring up this conversation, so being proactive in starting these conversations first is vital to help guide them. Check out the following videos to help you approach these conversations and topics with confidence and clarity:
Oftentimes, the importance of setting boundaries is highlighted for romantic relationships and friendships; however, it is just as important to set boundaries within your family and with your teens. Check out these two videos that explain the importance of setting boundaries and review some tips on how to set healthy and helpful boundaries.
Communication is absolutely essential to ensure that boundaries and values are effectively maintained within the family. Communicating can be very difficult especially within your family. Check out these videos below that review how to communicate effectively with your teen.
As parents we are both the gatekeepers and the empowerers of our kid’s media engagement. Media is full of messages that influence our views and opinions, our buying habits, the trends we follow, and much more. By acting as our child’s gatekeeper in the media we can help them make good decisions and engage with media that is positive and encourages them towards their goals and values.
Some key points minors need to know about media safety include:
In general, helping our teens understand that if you wouldn’t do something face to face, don’t do it online. Parents can also help by setting boundaries around media, creating their own accounts, and reviewing their child’s apps.
Check out www.esrb.org and www.internetmatters.com to help set game console restrictions. Make sure you monitor your children’s behavior, actions, and feelings when playing online. It can also be very helpful to set time limits and take breaks.
Puberty brings huge changes in the adolescent brain and these changes are very important to understanding how our teenagers see the world. As our teens’ bodies begin to change and develop, their brains are also going through some massive restructuring. Let’s review some of the key brain developments so we can better understand what is going on with teenagers during this transitional time.
During puberty, the prefrontal cortex is growing and developing. This is the area of our brain that houses our executive function and controls emotional regulation, foreseeing consequences, planning, and organization. As the prefrontal cortex matures, teenagers can reason better, develop more control over impulses and make better judgments. This process takes a long time. The prefrontal cortex finishes developing around 25.
This does not mean that your child can’t function without a fully integrated brain, it just means that the emotional part of the brain and the pleasure seeking part of the brain are running the show during this adolescent age.
While the brain is growing in executive function, it’s also doing something called synaptic pruning. This is the process during which the brain starts to specialize. Between the ages of 13-18, the brain removes connections that are no longer needed. The synapses that are left are stabilized and strengthened. This process allows adolescence to learn more complex information by ditching the irrelevant information. Signs you might see in your child during this process include them becoming more peer obsessed, focusing on one sport in particular, or beginning to excel in a specific subject or discipline.
Scientists hypothesize that this process works in a “use it or lose it” way, so if teens spend their time playing an instrument, or participating in sports or academics, the cells and connections that are formed during those activities stay. Whereas if they spend their time in unhealthy relationships, watching hours of youtube, or playing endless amounts of video games, those will be the connections that survive.
What teens experience in their environment can have major, lasting effects on their brain. And you as a parent have a lot of influence in how their brains get used on a regular basis. It’s also not too late. The brain can continue to make new connections, even when we’ve allowed bad ones to take hold.
Because the executive functions of the prefrontal cortex take so long to develop, adolescence is a period of neural imbalance. The emotional center of the brain is more developed than the area that makes rational decisions and keeps us calm.
This doesn’t mean that adolescents are unable to make rational decisions. Rather, in situations that are particularly emotionally laden, it is likely that emotions and social awards will affect behavior more strongly than rational decision-making processes.
This neurological “imbalance” may promote risky behavior because it is hard for teens to fully see all the consequences of a decision.
The more we understand about brain development the more we understand our teens and their choices. Remember not to devalue their feelings and emotions, they are REAL to your teen and the more compassion we can show during this intense time of growth, the better.